meghan markle prince harry Chris Jackson / Getty
Meghan Markle’s and Prince Harry’s big day is about much more than the pair.
  • The royal wedding of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry has every possible brand ready to jump on the bandwagon.
  • Velveeta is creating a crown-shaped mac and cheese, KFC has special buckets, and Dunkin’ Donuts has recruited a Real Housewife to hawk “Royal Love” doughnuts.
  • We’ve ranked the attempts at cashing in on the royal wedding based on their absurdity, humor, and the weakness of their connection between the brand and the wedding.

What does the royal wedding have to do with American fast-food chains?

Not much — but that doesn’t mean that brands aren’t going to try and cash in on Meghan Markle’s and Prince Harry’s big day.

In the week leading up to the royal nuptials, a growing number of brands have come out with deals and promotions to align themselves with Meghan and Harry’s wedding. The royal wedding is expected to provide the British economy with a $1.4 billion boost so it makes sense that brands are hungry to get a cut of the cash.

However, the stunts are getting pretty weird. Impressively, they’ve managed to come across as bizarre even in the crowded field that is modern marketing. This is in an era where dessert brands are tweeting: “If a MoonPie sees its shadow on this day it will signal the end of times.”

In an effort to quantitatively measure just how much the brands are at it again, Business Insider created a ranking system just for the occasion. The system addresses three factors — absurdity, humor, and the weakness of their connection between the brand and the wedding — that are ranked on a scale from one to five, five being the top score.

Here’s how companies’ attempts to cash in on the royal wedding measure up:

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Strongbow Hard Ciders

Strongbow

Strongbow is trying to cash in on what it calls Americans’ “obsession” with the royal wedding by rolling out a new flavor of cider and special teacups.

“Through the union of our British heritage and a modern twist on rosé, we are marrying two of America’s latest obsessions just in time for the fairy tale Royal Wedding this spring,” Jessica Robinson, the vice president of parent company Portfolio Brands, said in a statement.

Strongbow is an aggressively British brand trying to expand in the US, so it makes sense that the royal wedding is like catnip to them.

Or does it? If anything, this royal wedding promotion may just be a little too on the nose. Teacups play into American stereotypes of Britishness to a degree that is almost embarrassing. Who is Strongbow trying to fool here?!

Absurdity: 2

Connective stretch: 1

Humor: 2 (+1 for calling rosé an “American obsession”)

Total: 5/15

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Dairy Queen

Dairy Queen

The connection between Dairy Queen and the royal wedding is tenuous, but it’s there.

I mean, first of all, we’ve got Dairy Queen. For those unfamiliar with the chain’s dessert menu, it sells “Royal Treats.” And, from there, it’s an easy transition from royal treats to royal wedding. Honestly, Dairy Queen should have just called up Meghan and catered the entire thing.

Unfortunately, Dairy Queen isn’t giving out free dessert on Saturday. It’s just advertising the Royal Oreo Blizzard Treat and the Royal New York Cheesecake Blizzard Treat. A waste of a royal wedding, if you ask me.

Absurdity: 2

Connective stretch: 4

Humor: 1

Total: 7/15

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PEZ

PEZ

On Sunday, somebody paid $9,897 for a “one-of-a-kind PEZ dispenser set” that…